They F*** You Up: How To Survive Family Life by Oliver James

 

I first read They F*** You Up . . . by Oliver James when it was first published, back in the early 2000's. Since then, I imagine that science has moved along, evolved, and some of the theories found within the pages of my copy of this book have been revised. In fact, revised copies have been published since I bought my copy way back in those halcyon days, when the nineties were still fresh in our memories. Still, there is much in the book that James, the author has stood by since its initial publishing. And, though Oliver James has had his detractors, his books have been widely read, and his methods (he is a psychologist) have been widely employed in the respective fields to which they might be applied.

In this book, James argues that it is the way we were cared for in the first six years of our life that has a crucial impact on who we are and the way that we behave as adults. Essentially, he makes the case that it is in the way that we are cared for as infants and young children that defines who we are. To back up these arguments, he uses scientific studies, and further illustrates his case by using 'psychological biographies' of some well known public figures.

There are also 'audits' at the end of each chapter, where the reader is invited to apply what they have learnt from the book to their own experiences. The hope here being that readers might gain some insight into their own behaviours - perhaps overcoming some of those traits that are a hindrance to them.

The author has written a follow up to this book (How Not To F*** Them Up . . .) since this book was published, and many years have been and gone since publication. So, would I still recommend this book to others? 

I have read it a number of times myself, and I do find it interesting. However, it is a non-fiction work and, when it comes to non-fiction, it is best to read widely on the subject at hand, and not just form your ideas based on a very limited pool of information.

There is also the fact that the book is now nearly twenty years old. And, though there have been revised editions, it will also be beneficial to the reader that they read more recently published material on the subjects raised in the book. This goes for all non-fiction - methods of study and analyses are ever evolving, and so our understanding betters with them.

Having said that, I would recommend the book, if you are interested in psychology at all, and family relationships. It might not be everyone's cup of tea, but I have read it, and reread it, and I will probably read it again . . .

I'm still a bit of a mess myself though, to be honest. So, don't pin your hopes to this book as a cure for all your mental and emotional ills!

You can purchase a copy of this book here (Disclosure: if you make a purchase through links in this blog, I may earn a commission from the sellers, but that does not influence the content of this blog).

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Signing off - be good, be kind, read lots, and be safe.