Love and the desire to be loved are powerful feelings, and romantic love has been a theme in all sorts of art since ancient times. Unfortunately, I fear, these works can become something of a model for our ideas of love, and how it should be in our real lives. But, just remember, tales about healthy and stable relationships would make awfully dull novels; these are not guides, but entertainment.
There are many books on romantic love which are worth the reader's time. Out of Love (pictured above) is waiting for my attention, on my never-diminishing "to-be-read" pile, and I anticipate an interesting and worthwhile read. But, I think the author of romantic fiction must write well and consider the topic intelligently. However, some will hang their love stories on a formulaic framework and depend on age-old tropes to carry their work. Some might get away with this, but many are just hacks.
The romance novel, like any genre, can find itself relying on a few old tropes. Horror infamously has its own set of well-known and cringe-worthy tropes.
A lazy romance writer can find themselves following a formula many have used before them. Same old story, different characters. The protagonist meets the love interest; the love interest is clouded in mystery; the protagonist breaks through a little; but, then, the love interest pulls away; the protagonist wins them back, proving their feelings are genuine; but, gosh, then they face another disaster, one which seems insurmountable; however, in a mad dash to, oh, I don't know, the airport let's say, the protagonist wins over, or is won by, the love interest; and so, we leave them, as they stroll off to wherever, we assume happily ever after. The end.
But that isn't real life. In real life, the relationship has to continue after that big moment at the airport. Or wherever. And, as we swoon over romantic heroes and heroines from our favourite novels, it might be worth remembering that, and not making too much of the romances which exist between the pages. I mean, for a start, how much drama is going on between the love interests!? Jeez! In real life, don't we call some of those those "red flags"?
I do wonder, sometimes, whether the excitement we see in books, films, and on TV gives some of us these ideas that romance ought to be really exciting, and that we look for that too much in potential partners. The spark! The chemistry! The excitement!
You know what I have learned? Compatibility trumps chemistry every time!
In the real world, if you can find somebody with whom you are compatible, you can experience excitement together from a much more solid place. If you try to build something on chemistry and excitement, you're trying to build something on a volatile and unstable foundation.
Idealising the romantic figures of literature is nothing new. I'm sure it's been going on ever since the first lovelorn writer used their despair as inspiration. But we ought not to make too much of them, these dashing and dramatic figures of literature. In the real world, they would probably ruin our lives with all of their bullshit!
I don't know if anyone out there is really building their ideas of romantic love on the stories they've read (I hope not), but I do know there are people out there who focus on chemistry rather than compatibility. Now, chemistry does make for a good story, but it doesn't get you far in real life. That's not to say some passion isn't important, of course it is, but it isn't everything. The chemistry won't help you navigate the choices and dilemmas you face with each other, especially if you're seeking something long-term. It'll be the deeper connections that you have that see you through.
Seek out great romances, in books and in real life. Just remember that whilst all the drama might make for an exciting read, it is bloomin' exhausting in real life!
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