Following the success of Surrounded by Idiots, Thomas Erikson has had published a series of books about how we interact with our fellow human beings. Whereas the first was a general look at how we might communicate better with the people in our lives, this one specifically casts its eye on the "psychopaths" we might encounter.
The use of this word, psychopath, has drawn some criticism, with some readers feeling that the word is used too freely. And the reader does wonder if it is not used to sensationalise, as a sales tactic, rather than because the book deals with genuine psychopathy.
The title, and the book throughout, might have been criticised less, had the word "psychopath" been replaced with "self-serving manipulators". But, as I say, that's not quite as saleable a title.
The cold manipulator is not necessarily a psychopath. And this book does have some thought provoking points when it comes to spotting and handling manipulators.
As far as I can tell, Thomas Erikson, works in fields concerned with communication and behaviour. He is not a psychologist. So, yes, there are points worth paying attention too as he writes about communicating with people who will manipulate and exploit to get what they want. But his assertions about psychopathy should probably be questioned by the reader.
As a simple guide to spotting and handling manipulators, this is worth a read. If it's a study of psychopathy you're after, you will need to do some further reading.
There is value in the book. As I read, I found myself considering an unhealthy relationship of my own. Wishing I had had some of the words that I found in this book. Some of the responses the author suggests for manipulative and controlling behaviour. I am not sure she is a psychopath, but the manipulative behaviour described rang true to some experiences, and I think I might have been better equipped had I read a book like this then. So, yes, there is value in the book, in my opinion. It does provoke thought.
Then, of course, I was occupying a completely different space, mentally and emotionally, when I was in that relationship. So, I might still have fumbled with the tools provided by this book, and failed . . .
I would say, if you are in a miserable situation, with someone whom you fear is using you for their own benefit, do not turn to this book as an instruction on how to escape that. There isn't really anything more practical than suggested responses to the manipulator's words and behaviours. There are no resources listed for the victim concerned for their safety.
If you are that person, seek out better resources than this book.
Would I recommend this book? Hmm. As I say, it depends what you are looking for. Do not let this be the book that shapes your idea of psychopathy, and bear in mind the author's experience. But there are some valid points and descriptions of red flags, and tools suggested in dealing with exploitative and manipulative behaviour. This is where the book's worth can be found.
I am a little back and forth with my feelings on this one, I'm afraid. There are valid criticisms to be levelled at the book. But that doesn't mean it is without worth.
Anyway, with those cold hearted manipulators in mind . . .
Keep your eyes open, watch out for those red flags, don't get caught up in charm and excitement. Go at your own pace, and if it looks like a bad situation, if you can, reach out and get out.
And, if I might be allowed to offer some further advice, don't concern yourself so much with chemistry, but look for compatibility instead.
You can purchase Surrounded by Psychopaths by Thomas Erikson here.
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